SERMON JOKES & RIDDLES
- Q: Why did the cat go to Minnesota?
A: To get a mini soda!———-
- Q: Where do orcas hear music?
- Q: Why did the cow cross the road?
A: To get to the udder side.———-
- Q: What do you call a fish without an eye?
- Q: What do you do if your dog chews a dictionary?
A: Take the words out of his mouth!———-
- Q: What do you call a cold dog sitting on a bunny?
A: A chili dog on a bun.———-
- Q: Why do fish live in salt water?
A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!———-
- Q: Where do mice park their boats?
A: At the hickory dickory dock.———-
- Q: Where did the sheep go on vacation?
A: The baaaahamas———-
- Q: What do you call a thieving alligator?
A: A crookodile———-
- Q: What goes tick-tock, bow-wow, tick-tock, bow-wow?
A: A watch dog.———-
- Q: What do you call a cow that eats your grass?
A: A lawn moo-er.———-
- Q: What do you call a girl with a frog on her head?
- Q: How does a dog stop a video?
A: He presses the paws button.———-
- Q: Why do cows go to New York?
A: To see the moosicals!———-
- Q: What do you call lending money to a bison?
A: A buff-a-loan———-
- Q: What is the snake’s favorite subject?
- Q: What is black ,white and red all over?
A: A sunburnt penguin!———-
- Q: Why does a dog wag its tail?
A: Because there’s no one else to wag it for him.———-
- Q: What is a cat’s favorite movie?
A: The sound of Mew-sic!———-
- Q: How do you make a goldfish old?
A: Take away the g!———-
- Q: Why did the lamb cross the road?
A: To get to the baaaaarber shop!———-
- Q: How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?
A: Squeaky clean!———-
- Q: What has four legs and goes “Oom, Oom”?
A: A cow walking backwards!———-
- Q: Where do you put barking dogs?
A: In a barking lot.———-
- Q: What do you call a pig that’s been arrested for dangerous driving?
A: A road hog.———-Q: What is a cheetahs favorite food?
A: Fast food!———-
- A team of little animals and a team of big animals decided to play football. During the first half of the game, the big animals were winning. But during the second half, a centipede scored so many touchdowns that the little animals won the game. When the game was over, the chipmunk asked the centipede, “Where were you during the first half?”
- He replied “Putting on my shoes!”.———-
- Q: What does a cat say when somebody steps on
- Q: What do you call a baby bear with no teeth?
A: A gummy bear!———-
- Q: Why did the dog cross the road twice?
A: He was trying to fetch a boomerang!———-
- Q: What is as big as an elephant but weighs nothing?
A: Its shadow!———-
- Q: What do you call a pig who knows karate?
- Q: Where does an elephant pack his luggage?
A: In his trunk!———-
- Q: There were 10 cats in a boat and one jumped out. How many were left?
A: None, because they were copycats!———-
- Q: Which day do fish hate?
- Q: What do you call a cow in a tornado?
A: A milkshake!———-
- Q: What did the peanut say to the elephant?
A: Nothing, peanuts don’t talk.———-
- Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No I deer!———-
- Q: Why was the cat afraid of a tree?
A: Because of the bark!———-
- Q: How are elephants and trees alike?
A: They both have trunks!———-
- Q: What do you call an exploding monkey?
A: A baboom!———-
- Q: What do you call an elephant in a phone booth?
- Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer!———-
- Q. How do you stop a dog barking in the back seat of a car?
A. Put him in the front seat.———-
- Q: What is the difference between a car and a bull?
A: A car only has one horn.———-
- Q: What did the carrot say to the rabbit?
A: Do you want to grab a bite?———-
- Q: What time is it when an elephant sits on your bed?
A: Time to get a new bed!———-
- Q: Where does a ten ton elephant sit?
A: Anywhere it wants to!———-
- Q: What was the first animal in space?
A: The cow that jumped over the moon!———-
- Q: What do you get when you plant a frog?
A: A cr-oak tree.———-
- Q: What is the quietest kind of a dog?
A: A hush puppy.———-
- Q: How is a dog like a telephone?
A: It has a collar I.D.———-
- Q: Why do cows wear bells?
A: Because their horns don’t work.———-
- There were two cows in a field. The first cow said “moo” and the second cow said “baaaa.” The first cow asked the second cow, “why did you say baaaa?” The second cow said, “I’m learning a foreign language.”———-
- Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit card!———-
- Q: Why do you bring fish to a party?
A: Because it goes good with chips.———-
- Q: What would happen if pigs could fly?
A: The price of bacon would go up.———-
- Q: How do you get a dog to stop digging in the garden?
A: Take away his shovel!———-
- Q: What did the frog say when he heard “time flies when you are having fun?”
A: Time is fun when you’re having flies!———-
- Q: What did the grape say when the elephant stepped on it?
A: It gave a little wine!———-
- Q: Why would an elephant paint its toenails different colors?
A: To hide in a bag of M&M’s.———-
- Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Climb up a tree and act like a nut!———-
- : Where do fish keep their money?
A: In a river bank!———-A duck, a skunk and a deer went out for dinner at a restaurant one night. When it came time to pay, the skunk didn’t have a scent, the deer didn’t have a buck so they put the meal on the duck’s bill.———-
- Q: What did one cow say to the other?
A: Mooooooove over!———-
- Q: What kind of cat should you never play games with?
A: A cheetah!———-
- Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?
A: To get to the shell station.———-
- Q: What is black and white and red all over?
A: A skunk with a rash.———-
- Q: What time is it when 5 dogs chase 1 cat?
- A: Five after one.———-
- Q: What do whales eat?
A: Fish and ships.———-
- Q: What part of a fish weighs the most?
A: The scales.———-
- Q: What do you call a dinosaur in a car accident?
A: A tyrannosauraus wreck!———
- -Q: What did the banana do when the monkey chased it?
A: The banana split!———-
- Q: What’s the difference between a fish and a piano?
A: You can’t tuna fish.———-
- Q: What do you call a gorilla wearing earmuffs?
A: Anything you like, he can’t hear you.———-
- Q: Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
A: It takes them a long time to swallow their pride.———-
- Q: How did Noah see the animals in the Ark at night?
A: With flood lighting.———-Q: What is the easiest way to count a herd of cattle?
A: With a cowculator.———-Q: What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?
A: An udder failure.———-Q: Why did the cow cross the road?
A: Because the chicken was on vacation.———-Q: What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
A: As far away as possible.———-
- Q: What did the sardine call the submarine?
A: A can of people.———-
- Q: What fish only swims at night?
A: A starfish.———-
- Q: Why did the elephant leave the circus?
A: He was tired of working for peanuts.———-There were two cows in a paddock. One of the cows says, “moo” and the other one says, “That’s what I was going to say.”———-Customer: “Do you have alligator shoes?”
Clerk: “Yes, sir. What size does your alligator wear?”———-
- Q: What do you get when you cross a roll of wool and a kangaroo?
A: A woolen jumper!———-
- Q: What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?
A: Glass flippers.———-
- Q: Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
- Q: What happened when the lion ate the comedian?
A: He felt funny.———-
- Q: How many skunks does it take to make a big stink?
A: A phew.———-
- Q: Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?
A: He was a baaaaaaaaad driver.———-
- Q: How do you keep a skunk from smelling?
A: Plug its nose.———-
- Q: What has four legs, a trunk, and sunglasses?
A: A mouse on vacation.———-
- Q: What do you call a 400-pound gorilla?
- Q: What’s black and white and red all over?
A: A blushing zebra.———-
- Q: What is a cow’s favorite place?
A: The mooseum.———-
- Q: What do fish take to stay healthy?
A: Vitamin sea.———-
- Q: What do you call a mommy cow that just had a calf?
- Q: What do you call a mad elephant?
- A: An earthquake.———-
- Q: What is a shark’s favorite sandwich?
A: Peanut butter and jellyfish.———-
- Q: Where are sharks from?
- Q: What is King Arthur’s favorite fish?
A: A swordfish———-
- Q: Why did the policeman give the sheep a ticket?
A: He made an illegal ewe turn.———-
- Q: What does an octopus wear when it gets cold?
A: A coat of arms.———-
- Q: What kind of dog always runs a fever?
A: A hot dog!———-
- Q: What did the momma buffalo say to her son before he went to school?
- Q: What has 4 wheels, gives milk, and eats grass.
A: A cow on a skateboard.———-
- Q: Why don’t bears wear shoes?
A: What’s the use, they’d still have bear feet!———-
- Q: What do you call a dog that likes bubble baths?
A: A shampoodle!———-
- Q: What does a calf become after it’s 1 year old?
A: 2 years old.———-Cow: “Mooooove over!”
- Q: How do you know an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
A: There are footprints in the butter.———-
- Q: Why does a giraffe have such a long neck?
A: Because his feet stink!———-
- Q: What’s a dog’s favorite food for breakfast?
A: Pooched eggs.———-
- Q: What do you give a pig with a rash?
- Q: What do you do if your cat swallows your pencil?
A: Use a pen.———-
- Q: What’s black and white, black and white, black and white and green?
A: Three skunks fighting over a pickle!———-
- First dog: My master calls me Furball. How about you?
Second Dog: My master calls me Sitboy!———-
- Q: What kind of mouse does not eat, drink, or even walk?
A: A computer mouse.———-
- Q: What do you call a dog with a Rolex?
A: A watch dog.———-
- Q: What pine has the longest needles?
A: A porcupine.———-
- : What’s worse than a centipede with athlete’s foot?
A: A porcupine with split ends!———-
- Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: The chicken wasn’t around yet.———-
- Q: What kind of cars do cats drive?
- Q: What do you call a deer that costs a dollar?
A: A buck.———-
- Q: What’s a frog’s favorite drink?
- Q: What’s an alligator’s favorite drink?
- Q: What do you call snake with no clothes on?
- Q: What did the dog say to the flea?
A: Stop bugging me!———-
- Q: Where do cows go on Saturday night?
A: To the mooooooovies.———-
- Q: What do you call a dinosaur that never gives up?
A: A try and try and try-ceratops!———-
- Q: What do you call a dinosaur at the rodeo?
A: A Broncosaurus or a Tyrannosaurus Tex.———-
- Q: What has ears like a cat and a tail like a cat, but is not a cat?
A: A kitten.———-
- Q: Who makes dinosaur clothes?
A: A dino-sewer.———-
- Q: What did the snail say when he got on the turtle’s shell?
- Q: Where do sheep get their hair cut?
A: At the baa-baa shop.———-
- Q: Why can’t hippos ride bicycles?
A: Bike helmets don’t fit hippos!———-
- Q: What’s a puppy’s favorite kind of pizza?
- Q: What’s black and white and red all over?
A: A sunburnt zebra.———-
- Q: What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?
A: The police had to comb the area.———-
- Q: What do camels use to hide themselves?
- Q: What do you call a messy hippo?
A: A hippopota-mess!———-
- Q: What do you call a cow that twitches?
A: Beef jerky———-
- Q: What did the porcupine say to the cactus?
A: Is that you mommy?———-
- Q: What is a lion’s favorite state?
- Q: Where do horses live?
A: In the neigh-borhood.———-
- Q: Why are elephants wrinkled?
A: Because they don’t fit on a ironing board!———-
- Q: What is a cat’s favorite breakfast?
A: Mice krispies———-
- Q: What is a frog’s favorite year?
A: Leap Year———-
- Q: What kind of dog has a bark but no bite?
A: A Dogwood!———-
- Q: What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A: A swordfish!———-
- Q: What is a horse’s favorite sport?
A: Stable tennis!———-
- Q: Why do pandas like old movies?
A: Because they are black and white.———-
- Q: How many sheep do you need to make a sweater?
A: I don’t know. I didn’t think sheep could knit!———-
- Q: What do you call a bruise on a T-Rex?
A: A dino-sore!———-
- Q: What game do elephants play when riding in the back of a car?