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Heavenly Humor! Humor on the way to Heaven! On the way to Heaven! A Smile for Every Mile! (All CHRISTIPEDIA with "INSPIRED-INERRANT!" View of Scripture!)
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Humor on the way to Heaven! [1] BIBLE HUMOR: Philestines and Emerods! In the Scroll of Judges (Book of Judges), the Philistines stole the very sacred 'Ark of the Covenant' from Israel. Israel fought to get it back again and again, but didn't have the military might to get it back, even though it was important for their worship.The Philistines were so proud to have captured this exquisitely beautiful monument, they decided to take it to every community, have a parade, and exalt their god "Dagon" (A Mermaid) in great victory and pride over Israel, to Israel's embarrassment. All was going well with their "nation wide tour" - or so it seemed, at first. However, it slowly became known that in every Philestine community where the Philistines paraded God's Ark of the Covenant in mockery and arrogance, the people broke out in hemorrhoids! GOD plagued the Philistines in punishment - not some serious plague like cancer, or leprosy, but hemorrhoids! Now that's funny right there . . . and I don't care how big your Church is! It didn't take too long, however, until the Philistines PUT 2 and 2 together and correctly came up with the square root of 16! Then they IMMEDIATELY took the Ark of the Covenant to the Israeli border . . . put it on a wagon securely, hooked it up to a team of oxen, . . . and sent the Ark on the road toward Jerusalem. Of course it was soon discovered by the Jews and properly reestablished at the tabernacle.
[2] BIBLE HUMOR: Philestines! When Elijah was challenging the Prophets of Baal at Mt. Carmel, and the Baal Prophets had prayed, beat & cut themselves in earnestness, . . . . . . Elijah chided them saying: "Shout a little louder, your God's probably asleep or maybe he's in the out house. He'll be done after while! This seems that it couldn't be true, but that is the Hebrew rendering according to many scholars! Here are some translations: New Living Translation
About noontime Elijah began mocking them. "You'll have to shout louder," he scoffed, "for surely he is a god! Perhaps he is daydreaming, or is relieving himself. Or maybe he is away on a trip, or is asleep and needs to be wakened!"English Standard Version (©2001)
And at noon Elijah mocked them, saying, “Cry aloud, for he is a god. Either he is musing, or he is relieving himself, or he is on a journey, or perhaps he is asleep and must be awakened.” GOD'S WORD® Translation (©1995)
At noon Elijah started to make fun of them. "Shout louder, since he is a god. Maybe he's thinking, relieving himself, or traveling! Maybe he's sleeping, and you have to wake him!"
[3] BIBLE HUMOR: Philestines, Again! The Philistines had a false house of Worship, with a large idol of their god "Dagon" - which is the Hebrew for mermaid.God made their idol to fall over every night, and when their worshippers went in each morning, there it was, fallen flat! Can you imagine, going to a House of Worship early each moring to honor the greatness of your "god" and he's ALWAYS fallen down! If he can't even help himself up . . . how's he gonna help you with mighty miracles? Now that's funny right there, and I don't care how big your idol is!
[4] Tower of Babel Would it not have been hilarious for God to observe these arrogant, wealthy people, who all of sudden, couldn't understand each other?They couldn't command their servants what to door make their wishes known. They would actually have to do a few things for themselves . . . as NO ONE COULD UNDERSTAND THEIR ORDERS! Surely God must have a marvelous sense of humor and chuckled at the high and might trying to explain to some new folks just how great they really were . . . and why these new folks should be their slaves, and wait on them hand and foot! If you've been around many rich folk (HOPEFULLY you have NOT been so cursed!), but the humor of pampered folk who had never lifted a finger except to point in decades . . . doing their OWN WORK is hilarious! DO IT AGAIN, LORD . . . DO IT AGAIN!
[5] Pharaoh and the Plagues Lice, water to blood, flies, fire on the ground and Pharaoh spending another night with the frogs...Again, for the rich and powerful to not be able to BUY THEIR WILL WITH THEIR WEALTH . . . to have to sleep with frogs in the bed . . . . . . now that's funny too, no matter what lily pad you live on! [6]Jonah and the Whale! Jonah was like many Christian folk you know, good hearted but bad tempered! Jonah was stubborn . . . he truly wanted to serve God, . . . as long as it was IN HIS OWN WAY! God sent him to the equivalent of North Korea or Iran, and Jonah fled the OPPOSITE DIRECTION! God captured with His own division of Navy Seals, and the rest you know - almost! The strong stomach acid of the whale - even a quick dip - would have burned off all of Jonah's hair and eyebrows . . . and caused his finger nails to fall off . . . . . . and took all pigment from his skin leaving him almost yellow-while . . . with bloodshot eyes!
[7] Wealthy Naaman Dipping 7-times in a Muddy River! Same thing with the high and mighty, who asked if he could not dip in the beautiful, crystal clear Phar-Phar River!God said NO! God wanted him to HUMBLE himself in MUDDY WATER Of course all his servants would be there to see the Mighty Military Man humbled . . . but as he got sicker and sicker . . . he finally did! Gotta admit! The Bushes and Kennedy's - Madonna and Cher - Donald Trump and Katie Couric - having to be baptized Seven times in muddy water . . . Now that's some funny baptizing right there!
Humor on the way to Heaven! There is much to be humorous about in life if we can see it that way, with marriage, children, aging, human nature in general, and especially Church Life: Big Church, Little church, Rural Church, Family Church, 'Bible Thumper' Church, etc.Most of our humor is either original or from friends. If we have somehow got YOUR joke or funny story, please let us know to have it removed immediately!
BIBLIPEDIA: BIBLE HUMOR, "WHAT IS FUNNY TO GOD?" Marriage Humor (With a Point!) Old Age Humor (Mostly About men!) You Might Could Be A REDNECK Christian "IF" Humor on the way to Heaven-1! A Smile Every Mile? Humor on the way to Heaven-2! A Smile Every Mile?
"God's Goals" For This World! Does God Achieve His Goals? OR, does Satan achieve his goals? (All Teaching- and Commentary is from "INSPIRED-INERRANT!" View of Scripture!) The most IMPORTANT "3-QUESTION QUIZ" you'll ever Take?
The Adversary’s Goals:
SCRIPTURE: "The ‘Devil’ ... walketh about seeking whom he may DEVOUR." I Pet 5:8 SCRIPTURE:"The ‘Thief’ (Devil) cometh not, but for to steal, to kill and to DESTROY." John 10:10 QUESTION: Do you Believe Satan the Adversary Succeeds?___ Or Fails?___
God the Father’s Goals:
SCRIPTURE: "For God sent NOT His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world though Him might be SAVED! See John 3:16 John 3:17SCRIPTURE: "Beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, ... The Lord is ... NOT willing that any should perish, but that ALL should come to repentance. 2 Pet 3:9 QUESTION: Do you Believe God the Father Succeeds?___ Or Fails?___
God the Son’s Goals:
SCRIPTURE: "For the Son of Man is come to seek and to SAVE that which is lost!" Luk 19:10 "For I came NOT to judge the world, but to SAVE the world. John 12:47 SCRIPTURE: "And I, if I be lifted up from the Earth, I WILL DRAW ALL men unto Me." Joh 12:32 QUESTION: Do you Believe God the Son (Jesus Christ): Succeeds?___ Or Fails?___ center>
God the Spirit’s Goals:
SCRIPTURE: Jesus declares: "'I ’WILL’' send Him (Holy Spirit) unto you, and when He is come 'He ’WILL’' testify of Me: John 14:26SCRIPTURE: "He ’WILL’ reprove the world [convict, convince, correct] of sin, of righteousness, and of judgment: John 16:7 SCRIPTURE: (1) Of sin, because they believe not on me; ... (2) Of righteousness, because I go to my Father; ...(3) Of judgment, because the 'Prince of this World' IS JUDGED![A] John 16:8-10
QUESTION: Do you think God the Spirit Succeeds?___ Or Fails?___
ULTIMATELY, WHO, ACHIEVES THEIR STATED GOALS? GOD or Satan? If you believe
"I Believe GOD WINS the Battle for the World!"
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