MEN! - You know you’re getting older when you:

Sink your teeth into a sandwich and they stay there!

Have to buy an electric lawnmower to find your way back to the house!

You go out for a walk. Your neighbor says he likes your alligator-skin shoes and you're barefooted!

Get winded playing checkers!

You sit in your rockin’ chair, but you can’t get it goin’!

Even Mowin your tiny yard wears you out and you use a ridin' mower!

You try to come in out of the rain, but by the time you get to the house, its done raining.

Ever see a man just sittin on the park bench for hours & hours? Here/s waht happened:He starts down the street and can’t remember where you’re going. You turn around and can’t remember where you came from! You decide to go home, and can’t remember you live! See a bench & sit down!

Getting off to a bad start!

Getting dressed, shirt half on & half off, one sock & on-one sock off, trousers half on & half off, hat in one hand & shoes in the other . . . AND THEN YOU FORGET . . . whether your getting up or going to bed.

Quandary!Can’t see clock till you find your glasses, can’t find glasses till you remember where you put them,

You get lucky & find a four-leaf clover, but can’t bend over and pluck it! You squat down to pluck it for good luck, only to find you’re not strong enough to pluck it. Finally with both hands you rip it from the ground, only to discover you squatted so long - 15 seconds - you can’t rise again!. You finally lose balance and roll over the hill, never to be heard of again!

HAIR CARE!Some hair turns gray, some hair turns white, and what doesn’t turn colors - turns loose:You are now a participant in the “Great Manly Race”! Which will you lose first? Your teeth, your memory, or your hair!

Men, you just gotta realize! You don’t actually lose the hair on your head! It is actually sucked in by the body and comes out elsewhere.

Hair is sucked from scalp, comes out ears, nose, and eyebrows Don’t get upset!

Cover baldness by Growing out eyebrows and comb back over my head!

Gonna grow a flaring-handlebar mustache and flare-out the nose hairs to match

Most Common Male Aging Disease: “Furniture disease!" Your "Chest drops into your drawers”

The GOOD NEWS of aging is for men, they remain as strong as they ever were, it just changes a bit:Used to be muscles that were strong, Now it’s their odor!

Can’t do a lot of things you used to do: No more football on weekends No more Indian wrestling with relatives No more footraces with nephews

You have new enjoyments now Favorite food: mashed potatoes - don’t have to chew Favorite past-time: beautiful sunset - if you can stay awake that long Favorite activity

As men age, they Still have bulges: Instead of muscles it’s bunions

You know you’re getting a little older when Your wrist, forearm and biceps are all the same size

Your chest sinks in and your belly sticks out so far you use it for a shelf to set things on while you’re doing chores

You chest is so fatty, your wife purposely puts her old bras in your underwear drawer. You’re insulted, but you realize it is needed. But you can’t figure out how to put it on, YOU Try over your head, but can’t get arms up that high!

YOU Try to step into it and pull it up: exertion wears you out, but you’re doing fine until you get to your balloon belly

THEN YOU Remember you’ve seen your wife put it on, fasten it then spin it around, So you start to spin, you get dizzy & fall down!

Your belly is now bigger than your wife’s ever was at the ninth month of pregnancy

No belt is big enough to keep up your trousers! If someone hadn’t invented suspenders, you'd have to wear your bath-robe every where you go.

Your backside is now flatter than the top of your head used to be!

So much slack in your pants for sure your poppa was a coal miner

Your legs are so spindly the birds stop to whistle when you wear shorts

You see a pretty girl and can’t remember why it matters!